You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
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you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
She told me I should be a condom model.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
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We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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