and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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