Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
