I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
