we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
