my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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