I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
