If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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