Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
