so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
tequila makes me forget i have legs
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
