The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
