you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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