So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
