i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
