4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
