My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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