i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize