did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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