If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
