i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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