CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
