Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I have already put on my inside pants.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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