its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
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i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
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Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
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