Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
