I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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