Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
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She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
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What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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