wrigley field is MILF paradise
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You are the jesus of drinking
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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