The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize
