Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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