The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
