Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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