there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
