Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
