guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
