Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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