I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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