we need to drink 2009 down the drain
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
