connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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