She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
