you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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