It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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