she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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