Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
