She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
