Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
ttyl tear gas
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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