You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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