We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
