Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
