I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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