No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
