tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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