You can't motorboat a personality
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
