I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Randomize
