My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
