belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
