your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
this boner is exhausting
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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