I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
