Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
