Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
