I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
