I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
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Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
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Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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