So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
