You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
