the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
