Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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