remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
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Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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