For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
