Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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