i will never coherently bang her
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
