dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
