remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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