Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
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My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
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