how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
i now understand why vodka
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
