They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
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My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
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HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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