At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
